Yesterday was my first day back to work. It wasn’t as “hard” as I had imagined. I thought I’d be coming to work with puffy eyes b/c of all the crying I did when I left home. Tim and my sister aren’t surprised that I did not cry. I guess the anticipation was worse.
Well, today is my second day and it actually sucks more today. Why? I realized that I had now only a few hours at night with Jacob because he goes to bed earlier (no more colic crying until 10 – 11 at night). It made me sad to realize that was it. I no longer had my days filled with all his “new” things.
It feels so wrong to be here at work. It feels so unnatural to leave my baby at home, even if he is with his daddy. No matter what it’s just not right for a mother to be apart from her baby. I know that eventually I’ll get “used to it” or “deal” with this feeling but should I? Should any mother have to “deal” with ignoring this natural feeling of separation? Of course it’s the responsibility of having to provide for your family that has me sitting here but honestly it still really SUCKS! I’d rather be home with my baby. Yes I know that I’ll be at home 2 days a week but in all honesty I no longer care about my work anymore and only care about him.
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4 comments:
You're doing great. remember how i took 20 minutes to leave the house just to go grocery shopping? but i know what you mean and feel. there's just something "odd" about it. I called it "mother's separation anxiety". believe me, in a few months, you are going to want time for yourself.
the silver lining is that you get to work from home two days a week! how many people get to do that?
I think that it is a good thing that you feel that longing to be with Jake. It means that the time you do get to be with him is all the more special. Don't worry, I bet once you get used to it, working and being at home will start to be more comfortable.
you get to work from home 2 days a week??? i need to find another job!
or were you talking about the weekends?
believe me, i think about playing the lottery, cuz if i could be home with cadence full-time, i'd do it in a heartbeat! but i'm sure jacob will appreciate all your hard work that's providing for the family...but yeah...i empathize 100%...
and we're both lucky we can afford to have our husbands stay at home with our babies.
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