8 Days vs. 17 mo + 9 mos

I leave today for India. I'm going to head to the airport in 5 hours, of course I still have to call the cab service and have to stop by to buy a few more items of things for the trip. I can't believe I'm leaving. Can't believe I'm finally going to India, a place I've been so wanting to go for quite awhile, yet now I struggle b/c I don't want to leave Jacob.

I know that once I am there I will be ok. Missing Jacob terribly but adjusting to the environment so that each day passes quicker than the last.

I know all this and yet feel that each day I leave I am competing against the 17 months of life that I've had with my little man! That each day I am gone he'll remember me one day less. It is insane and I know if I read this from another mother I'd feel that she's crazy, but this is how I FEEL and at least sharing that this is what is tormenting me, I know I am sharing, rather than bottling it up and hopefully a part of me can let this feeling go.

I'll write more, hopefully in India or when I return.